You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
