Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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