So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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