I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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