walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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