Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
