If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
50% drunk capacity currently
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
