i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
