Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
