Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize