We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
