big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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