Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
