I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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