If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
