Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
