Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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