I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
