so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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