God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize