that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
