i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
