You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If its not for food we ain't going out.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
