My cat gives me a boner
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
