I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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