i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
