At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize