atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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