I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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