when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
