sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
