I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize