you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
