I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
