You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
