So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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