we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you didnt know i had herpes?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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