I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
