how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
