She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
