yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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