i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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