just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
