so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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