Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize