i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
