ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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