I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
