So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
