my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize