I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
