remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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