READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
