Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I didn't notice because vodka
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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