The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
