We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
