idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
