I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
no, he came in my armpit
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
