It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
