I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
