I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize