3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
