all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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