Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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