Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
