I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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