don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize